Final Words

In stories I have previously penned, I have referenced one of my father’s favorite sayings. He used to say in a joking manner,

“I think we should all be born with expiration dates stamped on our forehead …. like a carton of milk.”

And since his death several years ago, I have often contemplated this unique concept, its simplicity and the blatant truth behind his rationalization. He was suggesting that if we somehow knew when and where we were destined to leave not one more footprint on this earth, it would somehow better the days we live on it.

It makes me wonder; if we did know exactly what our “expiration date” was, how would that information lead us to do things differently? How would that knowledge affect the way we live our lives and treat others? Would we live consistently respecting others and showing our loved ones how much we care, or would we live selfishly, insensitive to the feelings and needs of others, waiting until the closing days or hours to make amends, knowing that our “final words” are what would be considered most significant and therefore, most memorable?

I recently read an article about someone who attended a luncheon with several highly accomplished people. The speaker had given them two minutes to write a response to one question: “If you knew you were dying, what would your final words be?”

Apparently, despite the highly polished resumes of those in attendance, not one of them referenced their notable accomplishments or spoke of their high-value material acquisitions.

Each attendee, instead, indicated that their last words would be focused on their loved ones. That, in itself, speaks volumes regarding what should truly be considered “success” in life. Work, becoming successful and setting personal and professional goals to achieve, are all vitally important aspects of life. However, in the end, our true worth and significance comes not from what we have accomplished or attained, but in the legacy we have left in the hearts and minds of those we’ve loved and who have loved us. When all is said and done, what will matter most are those relationships and bonds we’ve created through time with people in our lives with whom we’ve shared love, laughter and memories.

Death is not known to be an efficient entity. Therefore, the date of our ultimate departure is not likely to be something we can prepare for slightly in advance, or schedule in ink on our busy calendar. There will be no notification email sent out with the subject: PENDING DEMISE. For most of us, it is highly unlikely that we will know our “expiration date” and therefore, be given the opportunity to speak heartfelt and articulately, our carefully selected, “final words.” Just the thought of that type of premeditation is uncomfortably morbid and truthfully, rather depressing for most of us.

However, after contemplating what my own response would be to the speaker’s question, it occurred to me, that these days I am living now ARE my final words; not just the “words,” but everything I am currently doing and saying to, or for, others. These are the things that will be remembered by my friends and loved ones — the way in which I am living my life, my actions, and relationships with them on a regular, everyday basis — ARE my final words, which in essence, epitomizes the old adage, “Actions speak louder than words.”

I now believe that this concept has had a positive effect on how I live my life and treat others. The simple expression, “these are my final words,” coupled with trying to live an example of those final words through my life’s actions, continue daily, to help make me a better person.