The Smile Connection (by Linda Ellis)

(Excerpt from LIVE YOUR DASH by Linda Ellis)

A smile; a simple curvature of the lips. We each take our smile for granted, though it is the most powerful, free tool for communication we have at our disposal. A smile is an instrument that crosses international boundaries, a unique mediator, an icebreaker, and a facial beautifier. Its side effects are more potent than any prescription medication. The immediate reaction a smile produces is natural and automatic. Even forcing a smile can affect your mood, your attitude, and enhance your appearance.

The power of a smile became evident to me last month as I lay directly under a starry southern night sky. I rested my head back on a pillow in my hot tub and gazed above me. Instantly, I noticed a unique cloud formation, outlined as clearly as if it were the product of a talented graphic artist in the sky. It was a perfect smiling face, and it was skewed at just the right angle to be staring directly down at me. The irony was that my instant, subconscious reaction was . . . to return the smile! It took me a moment to realize what had happened. It was an instinctive response. It was what my face automatically does, without my permission, when someone smiles in my direction, but it was a warm exchange, and it felt good, at least until I realized I was sitting alone in a hot tub wearing a big goofy smile directed at a cloud.

I realized that evening how much a smile represents an instant connection—a recognizable gesture, a common link. To some of us, smiling comes as naturally as breathing. Often, we don’t even realize we are doing it. A genuine smile has the ability to change a preconceived opinion or break the tension in an uncomfortable situation. However, it’s not only your mouth that smiles—your eyes smile as well when you form a genuine smile. As an experiment, look into a mirror with a serious look on your face, with only your eyes in view. Then smile. You can see in your eyes, without having a view of your mouth, the difference a smile makes. A smile is the passport
kindness uses to travel to your eyes, your heart, and your soul.

A smile can cross every language barrier without miscommunication. Its intent is instantly recognizable and rarely misconstrued. I was visiting a salon recently, at which the women, both the management and personnel, did not speak any English. However, through motions and smiles, the English- speaking patrons there, including me, were communicating our requests more than adequately. Then something happened: The manager of the salon was on a telephone call speaking fast and fluently, in her native language. Apparently, her friend on the other end of the line told her a very funny joke, because she began to snicker, which turned into a giggle that soon mushroomed into a bellowing, hearty laugh. The effect of watching her smile and laugh until tears were flowing down her face spread through the room like a viral contagion. Before we knew it, we were all enjoying a moment of hysterical laughter, and at what . . . we had no idea! Her smile, her laughter, and her warmth shone through so brightly that we felt compelled to share the enjoyment, though we never really knew why. It was as though for those few minutes, we all spoke the same language.

I smile frequently. I smile at strangers. I smile at people I know aren’t going to smile back. Why? Because it is a part of who I am. I’ve also learned that not being a smiler doesn’t make someone a terrible person, and that many people harbor reasons and resentments that prevent them from smiling often. I’ve learned that, for some, it is difficult to smile if you have experienced extreme pain and disappointment in life. I’ve learned that people use their facial façades as a gate. If they smile, they feel they are opening that gate to an unwelcome world. They don’t believe, as I do, that sharing a smile is like aspirin for the soul. It helps remove the hurt, from the inside out.

Why are so many people afraid to smile? Do they believe it exposes vulnerability? Does it make them more approachable when they want to remain distant? Some feel that smiling eliminates the invisible wall they have constructed between them and the world. I say, what’s the harm in doing that now and then? You can’t win a ballgame by always playing defense.

Though the true meaning behind a smile is sometimes hard to detect and can often be misleading when it is used to mask insincerity, a genuine smile can turn someone’s day around. It is a most powerful signal, and its meaning stands out from all other emotional expressions. Often, all it takes is a smile and words need never be spoken.

I once had some professional photos taken for publicity purposes. Afterward, I sat in the studio for ninety minutes waiting to view my “instant” photo proofs. As I sat, repeatedly repositioning myself in a chair with no arms and silently admiring the handbag of a customer seated nearby, I overheard the sales woman (whose nametag should have born the title “Flattery Manager”) speaking to a customer. Apparently, this company had figured out that showering customers with adulation regarding their photos, including, “Oh, look at that beautiful smile” and “Your eyes look so bright and attractive in this one” had a direct impact on its quarterly profits. (I guessed that this particular employee had recently completed the “Catapulting Compliments to Increase Sales” section of the company’s training manual.)

Then it was my turn. I was seated in front of a large screen as my photo slideshow was displayed with accompanying background music that, if it had contained lyrics, would have repeated one chorus: “Buy this photo; it flatters you. And while you’re at it, buy this one, too.” However, I had my defenses up, prepared to hear the empty praises aimed more at my checkbook than the truth. As my pictures began to fade in and fade out, I waited for the trained Flattery Manager to tell me how “beautiful” the expression was on my face, or “what a great hair day” I was having, as I’d heard her say to the previous client. So I was surprised when I heard the particular adjective she had chosen instead to describe my photos. She studied each picture and then thoughtfully turned to me and said, “Your smile is so . . .” I anticipated the word she was going to select as a sales tactic out of hundreds of potential candidates: pretty, attractive, (or even straight or white!). But no, she used the highly underestimated adjective, CONTAGIOUS to describe me! “Contagious?” I replied, partly disappointed that I didn’t receive my inflated compliments and partly curious as to why she had chosen that particular description. I thought to myself, “Maybe she meant congenial or considerate, or even consistent!” I asked for clarification. “Contagious?” I inquired once more. Her nod confirmed the trait she had detected in the expressions captured by the camera’s lens. Then another sales woman approached and concurred, “Yes, she is contagious!”

Hmmmmmm, I thought . . . Well, okay. I’ve got a contagious smile. I can deal with that. It could be worse. Granted, the word did not encourage me to write a bigger check for more photos, but it did get me thinking. Later, I even looked up the word, whose figurative definition is: “likely to spread to or affect others . . . transmittable . . . transferable.”

Suddenly, I realized that contagious was indeed a complimentary characterization, even though I’d only heard it used previously in negative terms. In fact, it was one of the most sincere, flattering compliments I’d ever received! I’m glad I’m contagious! Although I didn’t plan to repeat that aloud in a crowded room or elevator, I vowed right then to become even MORE contagious!

Furthermore, I think it would be a nicer world if everyone displayed a smile or an attitude worthy of being branded contagious. I briefly had visions of single-handedly starting an outbreak of a bug the medical profession would call the “Amicable Virus” that would spread like an epidemic and infect millions! It would be a plague transferred through smiles from person to person on airplanes, in traffic jams, in lines at the grocery store . . .

Though I may have gotten a little carried away with my newfound attribute, I still intend to proudly continue to “infect” everyone I meet with a “contagious” smile and a positive, “communicable” attitude. Practice being contagious more often and witness the profound effect it can have on the people in your world!

“Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.”
—Anne Frank

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